omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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