I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
