So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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