I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
