My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
