At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
