i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
