Whod you bang
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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