every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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