I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You're like the curious george of whores
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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