I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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