I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
