how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
