I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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