I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
