it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
