i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
