He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
