I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
