They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
