i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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