one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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