we have pet lesbian snakes
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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