i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
God I need to hump something, right now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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