i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she pinky promised me she was 18
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
