I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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