she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
