ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize