I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
