I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
