rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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