Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
