My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
