I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
