Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
