Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just blew my weed a kiss
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize