i think my mom watched the whole time
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
