IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
