Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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