last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize