wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
