we're blogging at a bar
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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