he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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