Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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