Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
wow bdsm is so cute
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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