do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
