he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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