I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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