you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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