I want to make a zoo with you.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
