my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
