I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
