where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
