I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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