I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
