i think i have two assholes
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
a search helicopter?!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
