I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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