Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
