it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
