my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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