After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
