Cold hands, warm shart.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
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