just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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