Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
