so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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