if you like me you must not know who I am
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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