Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
