I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize