At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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