A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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