ugly people sure do ruin things
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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