I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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