You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
