considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
