if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
