The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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