I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
