You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
