I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize