He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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