we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize