I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
