Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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