Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
