You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
