all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
