I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
