I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
