i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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