so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
