i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
50% drunk capacity currently
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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