This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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