WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
