so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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