6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
