I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
