I hate all girls vehemently.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
