Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
