I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize