Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
