Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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