dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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