walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
