You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize