I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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