i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
