Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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