....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
