I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
