dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
