Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
