sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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