i don't plan on having that self control this summer
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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