Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
