He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm determined to sit on that face.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
