this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
