She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
