You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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