Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
