You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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