literally had 100 drinks last night.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
