I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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