I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
