Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
