That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize