Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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